Hip hip hooray for NHL lockout

By Timothy Fitzpatrick

The National Hebrew Hockey League, known as the National Hockey League to laymen, has cancelled games through December 30, 2012, as the lockout continues in the bitter dispute between mostly gentile hockey players and their mostly Zionist Jewish team owners, led by National Hockey League Commissioner Gary Bettman and his team of wealthy New York Judaics.

For those not zombified by the racket and political distraction that is professional sports, the lockout is a Godsend, as professional hockey’s millions of fans, mostly men, have had to find other things to fill their leisure time, and God forbid, some of them have no doubt used their extra time normally devoted to playing the couch potato to spending quality time with children, wives, and girlfriend—growing up and becoming the men that their childish idolizations of pro athletes previously prevented them from doing.

Unfortunately, the NHL won’t stay locked out forever, and all those bitter fans who self-deceptively cried out that they would never support the NHL again will eventually come crawling back when the puck is finally dropped again. They will come back and start paying the ridiculous ticket prices, start buying the TV NHL packages with little Johnny’s college fund, and go back to relegating their wives and girlfriends to mere sex objects.

But let’s enjoy this lockout while it lasts, and hopefully some men will come back down to Earth from their infantile fixations.

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