Russia Now has Third Highest Divorce Rate in the World, 80 per cent of marriages failing
05.12.2025Society In Russia
In Russia, in case of divorce, mediation services from psychologists or priests may be introduced
Eight out of ten marriages are collapsing in Russia. These frightening statistics force the authorities to look for emergency measures: from mandatory conciliation procedures to divorce fines and cash payments to young couples. At the center of the public discussion, the question arose: is it possible to force people to keep the family with the help of laws, or is the main battle taking place inside a person - between selfishness and willingness to love, will psychologists and priests-mediators understand this now? Read more about new initiatives in the material of Nakanune.RU.
Against the background of an encouraging decrease in divorces among couples with children, the overall picture looks catastrophic. Russia ranked third in the world in terms of the number of disintegrating families. Minister of Justice Konstantin Chuichenko announced a bill on mandatory pre-trial conciliation procedure. The State Duma supported the idea, but went further, proposing to involve not only psychologists, but also clergymen in the preservation of marriages. There are also more radical initiatives - from payments of 20 thousand rubles to newlyweds and a fine of 40 thousand for divorcees to the extension of the term of the divorce procedure to six months.
Photo: Nakanune.RUThe number of divorces has been steadily growing in the last ten years and has reached 65-75%. The law on mediation, which should help settle disputes, has been in force since 2011, but has not taken a broad dow. According to mediation centers, only 9-15% of couples sign an agreement on family issues. In 65% of cases, a woman becomes the initiator of divorce - psychologists explain this by a more developed emotional intelligence, which allows you to understand your dissatisfaction more clearly. Against this alarming background, any legislative initiative is perceived as an attempt to somehow stop the avalanche. But experts believe that a legal approach that does not affect the essence of human relations is doomed.
"Don't confuse mediation and psychologist's consultation. These are completely different stories," Tatiana Butskaya, Deputy Chairman of the State Duma Committee for Family Protection, begins the conversation with this thesis. According to her, the psychologist helps to understand himself and find the roots of problems, and the mediator gets involved when two people stop hearing each other. His task is not to return feelings, but to help former spouses, especially if they have children, to agree on practical living conditions after divorce.
"Whatever decision the court makes, we see that it is often not implemented," says Butskaya. - They do everything so that the child does not see his mother or father as a result. The mediator, having listened to both sides, tries to reduce them to a feasible compromise. The document drawn up during the mediation can be attached to the court materials, and it can become the basis for a decision on children. The most important thing is that the child does not suffer, but adults do not suffer either, because they do not have these reasons for which they can continue to argue," the deputy explains.
She is convinced that if divorce is inevitable, and there is no agreement between people, then without a mediator "they will not agree, everything will be bad from now on".
As for the idea of mandatory participation of a psychologist or priest, Tatiana Butskaya treats it with sympathy, but sees difficulties in the details. "Talking to another person, with someone who is professionally able to help and understand himself, and set up in the right way, is also worth a lot," she says. - And such conversations change the direction of a person's fate."
To the problem of kidnapping - kidnapping children by one of the parents after divorce - Butskaya also proposes to apply a mediative approach, believing that the root of evil is the lack of voluntary consent between mother and father.
Photo: Nakanune.RU
The priest's view of the problem lies in a different plane. Hierar Valery Soskovets recalls a case from practice when a lawyer, to whom a man came to find out "how to divorce to get more", asked an unexpected question: "Do you not love your wife, do you?". This simple question made a person come to his senses. "It is necessary that there is at least someone who will give this idea at all," the priest believes. He is sure that saving the marriage "is not as difficult as it seems", and sees the main problem in the fact that the very idea of divorce has become commonplace.
"When the very word comes up in the family that you and I will divorce, it already gives a huge crack," he says.
Father Valery sees the reasons for the crisis in the rejection of the traditional model. Previously, according to him, one marriage for life was the norm, and people created families early, at the age of 18-20, without having time to "learn how to slam the door". Today, "it has become the norm that you walk, take a walk until a certain age, and then decide to get married, but it doesn't work out".
"There used to be even an expression "you can get a tattoo on your forehead: it's not suitable for marriage". It's true. A person cannot keep a marriage. It's difficult. This needs to be taught again." From a Christian point of view, the purpose of marriage is not a domestic contract, but the achievement of love, which requires self-sacrification. "Love for oneself kills love for another," says the priest. "And the more self-love there is, the less a person can achieve his goal in life."
The position of psychologist Valentin Alimov is based on statistics and analysis of deep processes. He confirms that couples who have applied to a psychologist with a crisis keep their marriage in more than 70% of cases. The problem is that there are only 10-12% of such pairs. Alimov considers mediation useful, but it solves superficial, legal disputes, not root causes. "These reasons always lie in the relationships between people. And relationships between people are the plane of psychology," he says.
According to the psychologist, the crisis is based on two key problems. The first is low psychological maturity, when a person is not at peace with himself, does not feel his limits and needs. "Untill a person can build a peaceful relationship with himself, he will never have the opportunity to build a truly mature and reliable relationship with another," Alimov explains. The second problem is the catastrophically low efficiency of communication. "We say: "you ruined everything again", "it's hard for me" instead of saying: "I'm afraid that we won't cope and lose each other," he gives an example. Low communication skills lead to the exchange of accusations, not feelings, which kills trust.
To Valery's father's reply that people used to get married at 18 without any psychological training and lived for a long time, Alimov answers: age is not equal to maturity. "People come 30, 35 years old, and there are children inside," he says. The modern world, in his opinion, is experiencing a transition period, when the old models have collapsed, and new ones have not yet been created. And the growth of divorces is his painful symptom.
While the government is looking for an answer in the field of law, proposing new procedures and incentives, experts in the field of spiritual and mental converge on one thing: lawmaking is powerless against internal demons. It can create a framework, but it cannot make you love, hear, endure and forgive. An increase in the term for divorce or a fine can only delay the inevitable or drive the conflict deep into it. The true salvation of the family does not begin in the official's office or the courtroom, but in the ability of two to speak the same language - the language of respect, responsibility and mutual service.
The state, offering mediation, psychologists and conversations with priests, actually recognizes: a deep crisis of private life has become a national problem. Although, it would seem, the answer is obvious to those who can watch, because the huge growth of divorces occurs against the background of economic instability, total employment of adults and the disappearance of free support, such as yard socialization and circles for children. We are told that they used to be poorer people and gave birth more, but they forget about infant mortality. They also forget about the community of pre-revolutionary Russia and total social support in Soviet times. Who is to blame that it is easier, more convenient and cheaper to live alone in an atomized consumer society? So it's stupid to refer to analogies with the past.